The BIG Kahuna

Milk?

Seriously, can’t make this stuff up. Oh, add it with their tagline and you get “Homo Milk, Every Drop Delicious”. Another case of branding gone bad. Thank you Island Farms  for the chuckle and your lack of proof reading capabilities.

It stinks to be ripped off but when someone rips you off and does so promoting honor and trust it makes it even worse.

Meet Two Marines And A Truck: www.twomarinesandatruck.com. When you think Marines you envision strength but more importantly honor. Honor is everything to a Marine. Here’s the Marines pledge to honor:

Honor requires each Marine to exemplify the ultimate standard in ethical and moral conduct.  Honor is many things; honor requires many things.  A U.S. Marine must never lie, never cheat, never steal, but that is not enough.  Much more is required.  Each Marine must cling to an uncompromising code of personal integrity, accountable for his actions and holding others accountable for theirs.  And, above all, honor mandates that a Marine never sully the reputation of his Corps (see it here).

So why am I writing about Two Marines And A Truck? Because this company that represents itself as Marines miserably failed at the honor code. Two Marines And A Truck strangely have  the same copy that WE wrote for our client Humboldt Storage and Moving. Honor? You make the call.

Here is the copy we were hired to write for our client:

At Humboldt we understand that moving can be a stressful and unsettling experience. We look at every aspect of the moving process from your point of view and tirelessly work to make you feel comfortable and relaxed. We pledge our commitment to this promise, and that assurance extends to every level of our company, and every employee.

We believe that the first 100 years of our reputable history was only a beginning. What we see now is a great opportunity to reach new heights in our business and in our own lives, by making you, our most important asset, feel at ease throughout the entire moving process. This is our goal for the next 100 years.

You have my word on it.

Jim Sullivan
President

Now check out Two Marines And a Trucks “copy”:

At Two Marines and a Truck we understand that moving can be a stressful and unsettling experience.  We look at every aspect of the moving process from your point of view and tirelessly work to make you feel comfortable and relaxed. We pledge our commitment to this promise, and that assurance extends to every level of our company, and every employee. 

We believe that the first 234 years of our reputable Marine Corps history was only a beginning. What we see now is a great opportunity to extend our service to our country, to our community by employing motivated veterans to make you, our most important asset, feel at ease throughout the entire moving process. This is our goal for the next 100 years. 

You have my word on it.

Nick Baucom

We have your “word” on it Nick? Honor…seems you have little of that. But wait there’s more they then go on to more copy.

Here’s the copy we wrote for our client:

1. We promise to work diligently to add trust, not stress, to the moving process.

2. Your belongings are safe and secure for the entire moving and storage process.

3. You can always expect us to be efficient, professional and service-oriented.

4. We will handle every one of your belongings as if it were our own.

5. You will have all of the information that you need from us up front to successfully budget your move.

6. We will quickly address any and all issues that occur during the moving process.

This is what they are calling their copy:

Two Marines and a Truck Pledge
1.    We promise to work diligently to add trust, not stress, to the move.
4.   Your belongings are safe and protected during the entire move.
5.   You can always expect us to be efficient, professional and proficient.
6.   We will handle every one of your belongings as if it were our own.
7.  You will have all of the information that you need from us up front to budget your move.
8.  We will quickly address any and all issues that occur during the moving process.

Our client then contacts them to let them know that their Marine honor system has gone askew, here is their response via email:

Dan-

Thank you for bringing this to my attention.  Without admitting any wrong-doing, I am working on changes now.

Semper Fi

Nick E. Baucom
703-623-5288 office

www.twomarinesandatruck.com

Wow Nick Baucom even in defeat you are unhonorable. These guys did go on to change the copy but it’s still like our client’s (see it here on copyscape). They just tweaked what our client so honestly paid for. If they had any real honor they’d write it themselves, how about it Marines?

But thanks to the Internet we are able to expose Two Marines And A Truck and soon this article will appear in a Google search for that company for all to see. So think twice about trusting a company that has this kind of honor, you really want them in your house?

What say you kahunas, honor or not?

Sprint has the best deal in town for unlimited calling at $99/month. But here’s what they’re giving up for it.

Voice Command, that went bye bye about 6 months ago. Read my post about that here. Now they’re giving up a branding element that you will be shocked to learn.

Sprint has given up their email. That’s right on December 30th 2008?Sprint will no longer have email for their customers. So I can kiss my brandidentityguru@sprintpcs.com email goodbye.

Can you imagine the millions of emails that are sent everyday through Sprint??Each email that?is sent with @sprintpcs.com is another brand building element. Some companies like Blackberry use it as a signature:

Sent by Blackberry Wireless

I guess Blackberry sees it differently.

Sprint’s thinking is our price is lower so we’ll win. Yea, we’ll see how that works out for ya. When my Sprint contract is up I’ll be switching to another provider. I’ve been with Sprint for about 10 years.

Gosh, I wish?I had a way for my clients to say my name millions of times a day….

@brandidentityguru.com sounds nice!

It’s been a while since I wrote on my continuing series of “When Naming Goes Bad” but here ya go, branding at its finest:

Manjunk

From the Manjunk website:

Developed by a man for men, Man Junk is a combination of world-class ingredients and relentless attention to detail. Any product that’s made to clean your neck, back, buttocks or legs isn’t going to provide the specific levels of odor fighting and skin treatment that Man Junk does.

I had no idea my personal Manjunk reeked that bad? All these years of using the same soap to wash my entire body? What was I thinking? I need this product like I need a 5th blade on my razor.

Here’s a better more appropriate name for this product:

MANJOKE

Check out the new video from Guinness. Risky? Oh yea. Insulting to women? I would think so. Funny? I laughed but I’m not a woman. What do you think? And how will it affect the brand?

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One of my very loyal readers (there’s him, my wife and loving mother) asked me to post his experience with HP.

Here’s David Howse’s wonderful adventure and opinions with HP:

Yesterday I bought a HP 3600N color laser printer which comes with a full 4-color toner set. It cost me $380 (in Canada). I ran a job that day of 1900 copies. This morning I ran out of black. To buy a toner set will cost $520us or over $600 in Canada.

So, who’s good at math? Should I buy the toner set or a new printer? I called HP Canada to help me with the math and they confirmed that $380 was less than $520 and that buying a new printer was cheaper than buying more toner.

With those facts confirmed, I called HP headquarters in Palo Alto to get a response from someone in PR about conflicting messages between Sales and Marketing.http://www.hp.com/sbso/busproducts_printing.html (be resourceful and help save the environment)

Marketing Message:

Sales Message: Chuck that thing in the garbage and get a new one (the printer is one-day old!) I am only inferring that this is the message.

As I navigated my way around the phone system I found the Marketing Support Center. I tried every option and the best was Special Events. Here’s the message,”We are only interested in special events that occur in the year 2005.”

Now I know that this is a marketing discussion, but does this mean that HP has time travel technology? (yeah, I know).

Marketing 2.0: If this is the customer experience at HP, how far is HP from Marketing 2.0? I felt somewhat embarrassed for them. I spent most of my time with tech support because the phone system pushes you in that direction (“let tech support handle it”). The manager truly understood my reasoning but said that she wasn’t allowed to comment on these sorts of things, nor did she have the authority to transfer me out of the department.

I’m more bothered because HP makes great products, it’s a great technology company. Who’s running the marketing?

There you have it. Thank you David for sharing your story on the branding?blog. And anyone else that has a good article send it on over.

As Yoda would say “hmmm, ruining brand I am”. I’m a HUGE JetBlue fan but lately they’re screwing up…bad. I’ve been reading My JetBlue Lawsuitfrom afar and it’s starting to really get some traction. JetBlue screwed with Bill Baker a witty, funny, smart blogger. Read his saga here.

Anyway, Bill has been really turning the screws to JetBlue so they invited him to a dress rehearsal of their new terminal at JFK airport on August 23. Here’s what one gets by taking part in JetBlue’s gig:

Click to enlarge

Here’s what JetBlue is “giving” you for attending (check out the RSVP date and the party date for a great chuckle):

1. A test Itinerary (to nowhere)

2. Check In at the counter (lines included)

3. Pass through security (lines and possible full body cavity search)

4. Wait (they actual write the word wait) at the assigned gate and board your “flight”

Special note: “Flight” means there is no real flight. You never get to board the plane. You just get to drive to the airport, pay for parking, and then do all the things we most hate when arriving at an airport.

Doesn’t this just sound like a grand time?

JetBlue, what are you thinking?

In my continuing series here’s yet something else that makes you scratch your head. Mike Rutzen owns a? Great White shark diving business in South Africa called Shark Diving Unlimited. Over the years he has “learned” a Great White’s behavior and now has a special on the Discovery Channel called “Sharkman”.

My wife and I watched in amazement at what Mike Rutzen is doing. Basically he is swimming with and challenging Great White’s. In the water, out of the cage. And, he’s seems to know what he’s doing as he’s not become lunch….yet.

His daredevil approach had built his brand and image like no others in his business (cause they’re not crazy enough to challenge a Great White). He is quite remarkable. Take a gander at this video, if you have time watch it all the way through as it is really quite stupid…I mean amazing.

This goes to show you just how important branding can be, only when most companies fail they get eaten by bankruptcy not swallowed whole by a Great White!

Enjoy…

Bam, they hit you in the kisser. Here’s a story you won’t believe is true. But sadly?it is.

I’m currently blogging from Old Orchard Beach in Maine. Last Night my wife and I went out to dinner at a fun place called Hooligan’s. Apparently all the bars and restaurants are owned by a company called The Pier.

We enjoyed our dinner, received great service?and asked for the bill. My wife looked at the bill and noticed that everthing?was in line except for one charge that was confusing.

ROUNDING: .21

hmm, I didn’t remember ordering any ROUNDING? If I had eaten it I think I would have remembered. So we asked what “ROUNDING” was?

The answer is so dumbfounding that you can’t believe it’s actually true. Here’s what the really sweet waitress told us.

The restaurants and bars?don’t deal with pennies, nickles or dimes. Just quarters when it comes to change. So when the bill is tabulated, presto….they round it up to the nearest quarter.

Our bill was $35.29 which quickly became $35.50. There is no ROUNDING down by the way.

Now The Pier is arguably the busiest business on the beach, serving thousands of people per day during the summer months. So ROUNDING can be a pretty?good stealing, I mean?revenue generator.

Here’s what I think:

ROUNDING = STEALING

Without question the owners (the Golzbein family)?of the famous Pier are literally stealing from customers each and every day. And people don’t even question it.

Now we’ve had a really fun time here at Old Orchard Beach but the one thing I’m going to laugh about for quite some time is ROUNDING.

Mr. Golzbein here’s a suggestion. Stop ripping people off for their change. Find another less noticeable way to steal from folks that are giving you business. Do these words sound inviting… Class Action Suit?

By the way how has Steve Rowe the?Attorney General of Maine not questioned this practice?

Here’s where to go and file a complaint if you like:

http://www.state.me.us/ag/consumer/complaints/complaint_form.shtml